Over half the year has passed and it has been quite interesting to say the least. Despite my city finally entering Phase 3, Covid-19 still has a grip on most of my life and much of the world. Lockdown life began for me over 4 months ago and for the most part, I’m used to it now. I live in a home with 4 generations so I never lack company.
Looking back, I wonder if my impending sense of doom that NYE night was foreshadowing for the months to come. A warning that single motherhood was in my future. A warning that life as I know it was going to change forever. A warning that change is the only thing I can rely on, and that it is up to me to reflect and pay attention to the changes that occur in and around my life. How do they make me feel? How do they make me want to feel?
Once again, I didn't make it to the grocery store. I didn't even look up recipes for inspiration....
Determined not to spend another cent on restaurant food, I opted to make a Slowcooker Lentil Curry Surprise. We have very early starts to our days, and there simply isn't enough time for my slow-poke self to cook in the mornings or evenings, while tending to a two year old. I don't have those super powers yet. With that, this Slowcooker Lentil Curry Surprise was being cooked overnight.
At times, it feels like the the only constant for me is my mother’s love as well as the love I now have for my little guy. A mother’s love.
It's been just over a year since I started this blog 12raisins, and just over a year since I became a mother. Both are still works in progress. The blogging is coming along. I'm trying to be more consistent but the mothering does get in the way. Just over a year later and it's still exhausting.... Continue Reading →
Nine months postpartum, I’m a heavier version of myself. I weigh more than I ever have In my life. I weigh more than when I was pregnant. But it’s ok. Well, it’s not ok…I don’t like it.
I’ve never been much of a coffee drinker. Actually, I’ve never been a coffee drinker at all. I never felt I needed it, nor did I like it very much. But during that week of early commutes downtown, after sleepless nights with a baby...I was excited to get my daily mocha. I felt like I’d joined some exclusive crew, that I’d never been apart of.
I felt as though I was in a rut. I felt quite unmotivated and couldn’t muster the energy to write, anything. I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing what I’d set out to achieve in terms of my writing goals. This feeling has passed however, and six months into 2018, I look back and realize that I’ve written about 12 blogs so far. How can I feel down about that? At this halfway mark, in 2018, with only 12 more months to go of maternity leave, it’s important that I reevaluate my writing goals. I need to use my time effectively. I’m writing, great. But, what am I writing? What do I want to write? I already know the answer to that question. I want to write children’s stories...picture books...children’s literature.
I feel like my body isn’t mine. It’s its own entity, doing it’s own thing. I try to breathe through it all. Everything I thought I would want to do while in labour is gone. My plans of dancing this baby out, gone. All I want to do is lie down. But it doesn’t work. Not much offers any release. Only during the breaks between contractions, do I feel no pain. I’m rubbed and massaged. I try to dance, for a bit...but then another contraction rocks my body.